• a history of domestic violence, abuse or emotional intimidation;
• a restraining order currently in effect;
• an untreated alcohol or substance abuse or mental health issue of sufficient severity as to undermine competence;
• concealment of income, assets or debts (note that truthful and complete financial disclosure is required as part of the court process for obtaining a divorce);
• a refusal to participate honestly;
• an unwillingness to make any concessions or compromises;
• a disparity in the negotiating capabilities of the spouses that is too large for the mediator to be able to correct.

If any of these apply to you and you are still leaning towards choosing mediation, we would need to talk about them in some detail before deciding whether to proceed.

If you are unable to agree on some or all of the areas of division of assets and debts, spousal support, child support and a parenting plan on your own, and if none of the factors above rendering mediation inappropriate apply to you, then mediation is normally an excellent choice. Mediation is especially appropriate when any of the following factors are present:

• you want to be directly involved in making the divorce-related decisions;
• you have children and want to minimize the negative impact on them;
• you want to minimize your expenditure on the divorce;
• your financial affairs are fairly simple;
• you want to settle your divorce relatively quickly;
• you are still willing to listen to each other;
• you would like the divorce to be a respectful, collaborative process;
• you still care about your spouse and want to come up with a settlement that is fair;
• your net worth is high or your financial affairs are at all complex.

Even if none of these factors are present, mediation is still likely the least expensive alternative you have to try to resolve the issues required for your divorce.

Not necessarily. Although the mediation process is usually most effective in person, it’s possible to use videoconferencing for meetings.  There are usually ways we can move the process forward using email and sharing documents.  I will work with you to come up with a mediation process that best suits your situation and preferences.

• discussing it directly with your spouse;
• asking me to contact your spouse in writing or by phone;
• providing information about mediation such as is on this web site;
• arranging for both of you to meet together with me for a free consultation.

Regardless, a respectful, no-pressure approach is best. If some divorce issues are very contentious and attempting to talk about them with your spouse only inflames the conflict, it may be wise to defer talking about them in order to preserve some sense of peace. This may also make it easier to work them out later in mediation.

For more information and suggestions, click here.

Mediation is often most helpful when you and your spouse are having trouble talking. Consider how you want to pursue your divorce. Do you want to end up fighting through lawyers or do you want to be directly involved in a process that supports you in making your own decisions?

Many couples who are very emotional about the divorce are concerned about dealing with each other and negotiating face to face. However, divorce mediators regularly deal with high levels of conflict and have the skills to help you make steady progress in an environment that is safe and balanced.

Sometimes an issue (or the whole divorce) is so charged that one of you is not willing to be in the same room with the other. Even in this situation a mediator can often help you make progress, perhaps by meeting with each of you separately and shuttling back and forth with concerns and possibilities.

Sometimes in complex cases it is helpful or even necessary to obtain input from outside specialist(s) and the mediator can help arrange this with your approval.

Couples therapy or marriage counseling is more appropriate for trying to restore a relationship. Divorce mediation focuses on facilitating the process of divorce – assuming this is what a couple wants.

If one of you definitely wants the divorce and the other is resisting it, this can present a major challenge because the resisting one may want to defer decision making.  However, the open communication process provided in mediation often facilitates greater understanding and acceptance of the winding down of a marriage – if a divorce is what is to be.

On rare occasions couples do decide to attempt reconciliation after mediation.

• a history of domestic violence, abuse or emotional intimidation;
• a restraining order currently in effect;
• an untreated alcohol or substance abuse or mental health issue of sufficient severity as to undermine competence;
• concealment of income, assets or debts (note that truthful and complete financial disclosure is required as part of the court process for obtaining a divorce);
• a refusal to participate honestly;
• an unwillingness to make any concessions or compromises;
• a disparity in the negotiating capabilities of the spouses that is too large for the mediator to be able to correct.

If any of these apply to you and you are still leaning towards choosing mediation, we would need to talk about them in some detail before deciding whether to proceed.

• you want to be directly involved in making the divorce-related decisions;
• you have children and want to minimize the negative impact on them;
• you want to minimize your expenditure on the divorce;
• your financial affairs are fairly simple;
• you want to settle your divorce relatively quickly;
• you are still willing to listen to each other;
• you would like the divorce to be a respectful, collaborative process;
• you still care about your spouse and want to come up with a settlement that is fair;
• your net worth is high or your financial affairs are at all complex.

Even if none of these factors are present, mediation is still likely the least expensive alternative you have to try to resolve the issues required for your divorce.

• you want to be directly involved in making the divorce-related decisions;
• you have children and want to minimize the negative impact on them;
• you want to minimize your expenditure on the divorce;
• your financial affairs are fairly simple;
• you want to settle your divorce relatively quickly;
• you are still willing to listen to each other;
• you would like the divorce to be a respectful, collaborative process;
• you still care about your spouse and want to come up with a settlement that is fair;
• your net worth is high or your financial affairs are at all complex.

Even if none of these factors are present, mediation is still likely the least expensive alternative you have to try to resolve the issues required for your divorce.

• discussing it directly with your spouse;
• asking me to contact your spouse in writing or by phone;
• providing information about mediation such as is on this web site;
• arranging for both of you to meet together with me for a free consultation.

Regardless, a respectful, no-pressure approach is best. If some divorce issues are very contentious and attempting to talk about them with your spouse only inflames the conflict, it may be wise to defer talking about them in order to preserve some sense of peace. This may also make it easier to work them out later in mediation.

For more information and suggestions, click here.

Many couples who are very emotional about the divorce are concerned about dealing with each other and negotiating face to face. However, divorce mediators regularly deal with high levels of conflict and have the skills to help you make steady progress in an environment that is safe and balanced.

Sometimes an issue (or the whole divorce) is so charged that one of you is not willing to be in the same room with the other. Even in this situation a mediator can often help you make progress, perhaps by meeting with each of you separately and shuttling back and forth with concerns and possibilities.

Sometimes in complex cases it is helpful or even necessary to obtain input from outside specialist(s) and the mediator can help arrange this with your approval.

If one of you definitely wants the divorce and the other is resisting it, this can present a major challenge because the resisting one may want to defer decision making.  However, the open communication process provided in mediation often facilitates greater understanding and acceptance of the winding down of a marriage – if a divorce is what is to be.

On rare occasions couples do decide to attempt reconciliation after mediation.